Monday, January 9, 2012

Post 16 - There are benefits to raising kids in the city, right?

I think NYC is the best city in the world. Sure- I constantly complain about things that make city life difficult. It’s crazy expensive, and only getting more expensive The subways are unreliable- especially on weekends. Pristine white snow turns into black slush within hours. There’s no In-n-Out burgers, Chick-fil-A, and other cheap eats that resonate with my proletariet palette.

My complaints notwithstanding, we are still largely fixtures in a relatively transient city. There are many reasons, but foremost among them is our commitment to our church. Family-wise, with one set of in-laws to the east in Long Island and another to the south in Staten Island, Flatiron is a pretty optimal location to make grandchildren equally accessible to both sets of grandparents. There’s a nice little family friendly park just steps away, three great grocery store options all within a couple blocks (Eataly, Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s), and the real zinger- the best budget mexican food in the tri-state area (Calexico) just got a two-year lease to set up their food cart at the end of the block.

But then the little prince came into the world. And of course, everything changes. For the first time in our thirteen plus years in the city, we began to ponder living elsewhere. I’m not sure exactly when it started- probably the day we went in for Samuel’s 4 day old check-up and the doctor started calling him “the little Olympian”. That sentence fragment got me thinking, and given my hopes and dreams of raising a world-class soccer player (I know it’s a crazy fantasy, yes), I soon realized that I lived a long way from the nearest soccer field. But regardless of whether or not S shows any promise as an athlete, I just can’t imagine him growing up surrounded by concrete. I was raised in what I’m guessing is a typical suburb where me and all the neighborhood kids played soccer in the early AM, football in the afternoon, and basketball in the evening. Since I lived off the 17th hole of a very nice country club, we had “access” to a wonderful field and the greens keeper would routinely have to chase us off his fairways. But that was all part of the fun- and since he had 35 other holes to take care of, we quickly learned how to break down our make-shift field, run like bank robbers through the woods in different directions, and just wait him out before resuming our activities.

As a regular helper in our church’s Kids program, I have the privilege of spending a lot of time with some terrific kids between the ages of 7 and 12. I can confidently say that one of the defining traits of our community is the presence of excellent parents, and so I often find myself asking them about raising kids in NYC. Parenting in any environment is a sacrifice, but I do believe it is even more so in the urban jungle. What I hear a lot about is how the transaction costs associated with sporting activities (or any activity, for that matter) can be quite high. So if you want to get your kid involved in soccer- then guess what- the field is not a stone’s throw from chemistry lab- it’s actually a 30-45 minute bus ride from the classroom to Randall’s Island. Time is already the most scarce and precious of resources, and this is particularly true for that marginal hour or two. If this is a route we want to go- then a whole bunch of other things we do with our lives probably become compromised- starting with that church which is the main reason we’re here in NYC to begin with.

The lack of a team sports-friendly environment is in and of itself enough to make me head for the ‘burbs. But what’s really nutty about raising kids in Manhattan is the craziness around getting your kid into the right schools. I recall about 10 years ago a work colleague of mine telling me how stressed out he was about his kid getting into the right nursery because the wrong nursery would spoil his chances of getting into the right elementary school, which would mess up his chances of getting into the right middle school/high school, which would mess up his chances of getting into the right university and then he won’t get the right job and marry the right person and the kid’s life would be ruined because he wasn’t at the right nursery. As absurd as this sounds to the mind as I read it, it is much harder to escape this than I thought. In some sense, his mindset is nothing more than the evolution of the same core principle that made my parents and in-laws cross an ocean and enter a completely foreign country for the sake of their children. Whatever it is, they passed it onto us so that it’s now hardwired into our CPU.

We have some time before we have to make any serious decisions, but as of now, all options are on the table. If I had to decide now, I would probably opt for outside the city. The little prince should be walking soon, and we’ll see how he takes to all the sports gear that loved ones got him for his first Christmas. I’ve been throwing him a little mini-football the last couple days and he doesn’t seem to realize something is being thrown to him until after it bops him in the head and lands on the floor. We’ll also learn a lot later this month at his first birthday- there’s a Korean tradition where at a child’s one-year, the parents will place several objects in front of him and the one he chooses represents his future destiny. There’s a pencil (a scholar), string (a long life), rice (he’ll never starve), and of course, money (self-explanatory). I’m placing a fifth item- a soccer ball, and if he chooses that- then we’re one step closer to house-hunting! ;)




S doing the the traditional Korean bow on New Year's to grandparents and receiving money.

6 comments:

  1. We had to move out of the city and live in Forest Hills to be closer to our work places. But even before Uche chose to work where he is now, I was planning to move out of the city. I was starting to miss having trees, birds, animals (squirrels or such), front/back yards, and quiet roads outside of my living place. I totally dislike living and bringing up kids among cars and buses and concrete buildings, and where the concept of nature can only be seen in parks.

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  2. John your answer move to bpc!!! 1. There is an amazing soccer field. 2. Samuel's girlfriend lives there;). 3. Shake Shack.

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  3. Jane - Haha...your point #2 is enough of a reason to move down there :)

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  4. hilarious. as crazy as it sounds, my biggest concern is also sports fields... with that said, you really should look into Roosevelt Island. We have little league, soccer leagues, and a quick trek to manhattan. i suppose this blog will be a liminal space for many different suggestions for you, k, and s to consider. :)

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  5. Perhaps we could add on a ukelele and ballet slippers as possible options at his one year? You never know! ;-)

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  6. Anamika- Totally agree. The best look at nature I've had lately is watching the Planet Earth DVD- which is a fine production but still a wanting substitute for the real thing.

    Jane- with all the boys born within a year or so of Elsie, I have no doubt she will have her pick of the litter. Samuel better bring his A game if he's going to win Elsie's heart.

    DH- Roosevelt Island... I guess all the wise pastors are onto something, eh? ;)

    Savina- there are some very manly men who play the ukelele, and football players are known to take ballet to work on their balance... just saying.

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